My Treasure Box
Peter was left stunned and devastated by the tragedy that had just taken. Seeing his mother’s death, burning in an ever heating inferno.
After all the explosions, Peter searched deep inside his soul to find his guardian angel, not losing faith in her. His mother was always the person who took care of Peter and now she is gone, but Peter knows she will always look after him in the afterlife.
Johnson called Peter over and said, “Hey Peter I know mum just died,” he said, “but we have to move on, we have to get out of here before they come back and finish what they’ve started”. As the loyal kid he is, he trotted slowly to his dad full of depressed feelings. He followed his dad to their dark and eerie basement. As soon as he entered the room, his body was filled with shivers. Though outside it was an inferno, it was still winter, the basement was immune from the heat radiated, it was below ground and freezing cold.
Johnson called Peter over. Peter knelt down next to his father. His dad showed him a box. Peter asks “What is this?”. “It's our treasure” John answered. “We don’t own treasure” Peter said with doubt. His dad explains “this treasure is not any type of treasure, this treasure is a book.” “A book?” he questioned “Yes, a book, a book about our people, it’s more rare than rubies, more splendid that silver, and greater than gold.” Then his dad took a metal box from a pile of junk and said “this should keep the treasure safe for generations and generations.”
Peter packed his clothes and essentials. He and his dad had met with the other survivors in the centre of the town. “Everyone, we have to stay together, we can use our quantity against their weaponry.” The Mayor announced “ we need the most combat ready people in the front so that they can protect us with our few weaponry, with full potential.”
The town’s citizens started their journey. After they walked for a two kilometers everyone's foot we tired, every step they took was like a step on a pool full of nails. The temperature was not helping, the winter snow it freezing every one’s foot as their shoes gets soggy and wet numbing they toes. Slowly the temperature has gotten through Peter’s father, and soon he got sick and desperate to live. The little fever his dad had slowly turned into a more severe. His temperature was slowly getting lower.
Few days have past and his Dad was seriously ill. In the last few minutes his dad had Peter hugged him tightly and closely, hoping that the heat left in Peter may be able to save his father. With Johnson’s last breath he said “Peter, I’m about to leave, and I need you to take care of our treasure” “No dad you have to stay with me” sobbed by Peter “you are the last person with me and I need you” no answer.
A short funeral was set for Peter's dad. The villagers left Peter alone with his dad’s body. After an hour or two of his Peter finally stood up and said his goodbye crying his last tear off.
When Peter had met up with the others the villager kids said he should just throw the box away it will just weigh you down. “Their right” Peter thought “but I made a promise to my dad and I can’t break that promise.” Then Peter realize something, “This box was more important than anything I have in this suitcase” so he decided to leave his belongings on the ground.
A week has passed and Peter was very tired of carrying the heavy metal box. He saw the large mountain he had to hike, and realizes that he can not go any longer. He sees a large linden tree next to a cottage thinking that a great tree can be a good landmark, so he buries the book beside the tree hoping that he will come back and retrieve it again.
One old couple came up to Peter and ask if he would be happy if they adopted him as their son. Peter agreed to this after realizing that he has nowhere to go to.
Fifteen years have past and Peter is now 28 years old. He has a well sustained life and a good paying job. He walked back to the cottage and met a girl playing in the front yard of the cottage. He called the girl over to help him. “What are we digging up?” the girl ask “ our treasure” Peter answered “does this have a rubies, silver and gold” the girl exclaimed! “No, this treasure is more rarer than rubies, more splendid than silver and greater than gold” Peter explained. After they dig up the treasure the girl’s face turned from excitement to disappointment. “What is this?” the girl asked with confusion. “This is the treasure” Peter expressed “This is just a book” the girl replied “Yes, but this book is about our people and this is more valuable than rubies, silver and gold.”
Peter led the girl to his father’s grave and started to tell the legend of the Treasure box.
Peter's parents were going to divorce.
Kia Ora! My name's Kevin and I'm from Saint Patrick's School in Panmure, though you probably already knew that, since we're in the same class.
ReplyDeleteI really like the descriptive language employed in this anecdote, as it makes it feel more alive, like I could picture the scene. Also...you might have a bit too many high frequency words in your story.
Still, keep it up!
From Kevin (in the Philippines)
Hello Kevin, I thank you for giving me your advice and for looking at my work. I wish you have great time in the Philippines.
DeleteKia ora Alizzandro,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story as it was full of descriptive language. This reminded me when I worked on my own story (quite similar to your work). My question is, what interested you in your story? Personally, my favorite part in the story was when Peter found the treasure box more important than the suitcase. Keep up the good work!